I’m back from a beautiful (albeit too short) vacation with dear business associate friends. We had a great time relaxing, exploring, having fun and of course we talked some business. How could we not? We are in love with what we do so we can’t help ourselves :p
One of the things I did right away when I got back was to check in with the clients and the coaches to find out how everyone is doing.
A couple of things came up that I wanted to address for you on this Monday Motivation that involve both accountability and coaching and how to ask for what you need.
We need to start first, by agreeing that if we are ever in a coaching relationship that isn’t quite what we want (yet) we need to go forward and take responsibility for our part in that.
Sometimes it is as simple as asking (for the first time) for help or asking for more specific help.
ie: I need someone to look at my food log.
^^ Ok. That’s a good start.
I need someone to look at my food log and point out any trends, patterns or things I could change up for faster progress.
I need someone to look at my food log and call me out on any b.s. that’s slowing me down.
^^ Better and different from above- this will result in a more aggressive approach.
(what you ask for should be what you need or what you think you need)
If you have a coach (anywhere in life, not just with us) and you’re not getting good coaching and you don’t ask for it; it is partially on you
It is partially on the coach too- who needs to check in on you AND make sure you’re getting what you need.
**We’ve all been here on both sides of this equation in our lives and if you’re not getting what you need from us I EMPLORE YOU TO PLEASE ASK. PLEASE. WE WANT to help you.**
When you have a coach, the work of the coach is to challenge you to become more than what you currently are.
- Sometimes that means calling you on b.s.
- Sometimes that means telling you to get the things done that you don’t want to do.
- Sometimes this also means telling you to calm down or back off.
- Sometimes this means your coach is going to reverse coach you until you stop doing whatever maniac thing you are doing.
In fact my coach once told me to stop being weak and to be more aggressive.
He has also told me that my attitude sucks.
He has told me to back off too…it all just depends on where I am as the player/student.
AND in all of those situations I needed to hear that tougher to handle feedback.
A few of the times I wanted to quit.
One time I swore at him a whole bunch in my head and then I went home and cried and was going to fire him.
Then I told myself to grow up because none of it was personal, he was just trying to help me get to the next level as a player, partner, athlete, person etc. and then I felt like a giant ass clown and felt guilty for the rest of the day. BUT I showed up the next day and tried way harder to have a great attitude and have since then and I will until the next time I fall on my face…
Not a proud moment. None of them were actually and I’m telling you this because I’m human. I mess up in the grandest of fashion, just like others but I learn from my stuff and aim to go forward and become a better person/ player.
So if you ever feel like you have messed up please let it go. We know everyone does and we aren’t here to judge you.
**Now this story of getting a big call out by a coach MAY NEVER happen with you in any situation (here at Boot Camp or elsewhere) but what I stress to you is that as much as possible if you want to receive coaching you MUST aim to leave your ego out of the equation. We aren’t here to judge. We are only ever giving you feedback with an eye to helping you become better. Never to make you wrong so please remain open. **
Circling back to the relationship side of coaching.
At the beginning of the coaching relationship my coach could NEVER have scolded me like that. We didn’t have trust yet. So he was very encouraging. He never let me talk badly about how I was playing- even though I was a disaster in the beginning.
He wouldn’t accept “can’ts” he would just remind me that they were “not yets or not right nows”.
We built a relationship so that he knew I could handle his tougher feedback and also so that I knew that he knew what he was doing and always had my best interests or the interests of the team at heart.
When we got that established he was then able to push me a bit harder psychologically and ask me to do things that scared me a bit or that I felt were stupid because they were teaching me something I didn’t yet understand.
I’m telling you this because I’m also VERY honest with my coach about how I feel, my fears, my health, my body and the why’s to the best of my knowledge about how I feel, my sleep, my stress, my love life a little even.
And he doesn’t Judge me.
He just wants to help me play better.
He is there to help me get better and be better.
So the more info I give him, without guilt embarrassment or shame, the better because the better he is able to help me. *You’ll need to use your best judgement here because the coach isn’t a therapist but some extra info- when pertinent- is helpful*
For the team and I at MPower, we know that if we aren’t in communication because you are worried we might be judging or you are not comfortable asking us for more help then we have to try to read your mind. Mind reading simply isn’t going to work for a solid and productive coaching relationship.
So as we head into a wintry week, please know that my door is always open and if you can’t find me through the doors, call me and lets meet.
With much love,
Megan K and the team
PS if a coach is on my team that you love, like or struggle with and you have feedback I’m always welcoming of this too because my main goal outside of your success is to help the coaches become better. Preferably we will speak for this feedback so I can ask questions if I don’t understand. 🙂